Stay until...

Sometimes it is harder to stay than it is to go.

Sometimes it takes more faith to have common sense than it is to be adventurous.

The Bible is full of stories where the Lord says “Go.” 

"Abraham, go to the land that I will show you"

"Moses, go set my people free"

"Joshua, go into the promised land"

"Elijah, go"

"Jeremiah, go"

"Ezekiel, go"

"Go into all the world and preach the gospel"

Have courage! Be brave! Go!

We live in a time when comfort zones are disgraceful and staying in the same place is wimping out.

But what if you are supposed to stay? What if you need time in one place? What if you need to grow strong here and grow in wisdom here?

One of the most powerful times in the Bible--one of the most powerful times in history--

the Lord said “Stay.”

“[H]e ordered them not to depart from Jerusalem, but to wait for the promise of the Father…'But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.'”

Wait. Stay. Before you go, I need to give you something. 

There is something that you need here.

The disciples could have jumped up the minute Jesus had ascended to Heaven, and they could have dispersed through the lands sharing the gospel. What good would it have done, though, without the power and conviction of the Holy Spirit?

They had to wait days just praying and worshipping. There were probably doubts, questions, and “when can we leave”s.

But there is a time of preparation and a time of action. A time to stay and a time to go.

So until the Lord calls me, I am staying. Not because I am scared but because this is 

where the Lord has me. I will follow in the footsteps of the disciples: When they could have left they stayed. When they could have left, they obeyed.

And you better believe that when the Lord does say to me “Go,” I will go forth in excitement, full of faith, and stronger because of my waiting.

twenty sixteen

I want to seek You first

I want to love You more

I want to give you the honor You deserve

So I bow before You

I am overcome by the beauty of this perfect love

Now I am hidden

In the safety of Your love

I trust Your heart and Your intentions

Trust You completely

I'm listening intently

You'll guide me through these many shadows

airports.

Airports. A place of waiting. A place of thinking. A place of watching. A place of dreaming. Airports are that middle ground between one place and the next--one stage and the next. You can either rush through them or rest in them, pass them in a blur or take the time to rejuvenate.  

I feel like airports encapsulate my life at the moment. Shifting from one place to another. Leaving the familiar and traveling to uncharted lands. I am sitting in my own personal life airport, sad to leave one place and nervous to venture to another, yet excited to experience new places, new things, and new people. 

Instead of rushing through my airport, I am choosing rest. Instead of worrying about what could happen on the plane or what my destination will look like or what I will do once I get there, I am choosing joy and peace. I am learning to wait with anticipation and not with anxiety.

Anticipation for the future. Anticipation for the good things. Anticipation for the learning and growing moments. Anticipation for who I will become.

I am learning to wait with the Lord. And also learning what “wait” means. I think waiting is less of a “just sit here until someone tells me it’s time to go” and more of a sweet rest. Resting in His promises and resting in His word. Resting in the knowledge of the truth.

Waiting doesn’t have to be terrible. And neither do airports. If you know how to appreciate them.   

okay.

Some days I feel like my hobbies and talents only consist of doing school and taking naps.

You know how there are those people who are really good at something and they are known for that something. Like they are good at music. They are good at art. They are good at technology. They are good at reading books. They are good at sports. They are good at cooking. etc. etc.

And then there are those people who don’t have a “thing,” and they feel lost in a world with people who have “things.”

I have a modge-podge of interests. I like taking pictures. I like playing the piano. I like reading about William Wilberforce and World War II. I like listening to apologist podcasts and watching bands’ youtube videos. I like looking at stars. I like swing-dancing. I like baking casseroles. I like playing LEGO video games. I like putting puzzles together. I like figuring math problems. I like reading blogs from people I don’t know. I like working with PowerPoint presentations. I like playing with kids. And I really do like taking naps.  

I’m not a math whiz, a science geek, an English nerd, or a history buff. I’m not overly special at doing crafts or sports or music. I just have a lot of things that I am okay at doing.

And I am learning that being “okay” is okay.

It is okay to be different by just being average. It is okay to live unlike everyone else by being normal. It is okay to find your purpose and invest your efforts in something common.

I am learning to live my life in my own way and not by the standards I think other people have set.

Live--and enjoy it. You don’t have to pick one “thing” to do with your life. Do lots of things, not because you love them, but because you like them. Do lots of things, not because you are great at them, but because you are okay at them.

2015.

You know, the future is a funny thing. The fact that we have no idea what will happen tomorrow or the next day.We don’t know what will happen in the next minute, let alone, in the next year. For some, that may be wonderful and exciting. To others, that could cause major paranoia or fear.

For me, it is sort of a mixture of both. Scary and exciting. At this moment in time, I have nearly zero control over the people with whom I will cross paths, the places I will visit, the lessons I will learn, the laughter and tears that will be produced in this coming year.

A lot of times, as I look back over a year which has ended, I can see a theme and pattern and can pick out a “theme song,” if you will. Some years may be rough, some great, and some that in-between/transition/I-don’t-know-what’s-going-on-but-something-is kind of years.

But this year. 2015. I just know it’s going to be special(just not sure in what way.) And when I heard this classic Rich Mullins song last week, something in the lyrics and music just sank into my heart. I have listened to it over-and-over each day. I feel like this song isn’t for last year or the year before that. I think it is for this year. Come what may:

“So if I stand, let me stand on the promise

That You will pull me through.

And if I can’t, let me fall on the grace

That first brought me to You.

And if I sing, let me sing for the joy

That has born in me these songs.

And if I weep, let it be as a man

Who is longing for his home.”

No matter what happens, may I stand on the promises of God. And when I grow weary, may I still know that the Lord is good and His love and mercy is everlasting to everlasting. And because of that, may I always, always sing His praises. And in everything that I do and in everything that I encounter, may I remember that I am merely a sojourner on this earth. This is not my home.

“And if I weep, let it be as a man

Who is longing for his home.”

I was made for eternity and for eternity will I be living.

optimism

I don't know why we can't just be happy all of the time. It is so much nicer than being mean and grumpy.

my heart.

If the Titanic was made to sink
Then so was my heart
For I made sure it was impenetrable.
--Tendons, Bellarive

My life at the moment.

But every single time I ever get down, every single time, I am amazed by the Lord's faithfulness. He's just so good to me.