okay.

Some days I feel like my hobbies and talents only consist of doing school and taking naps.

You know how there are those people who are really good at something and they are known for that something. Like they are good at music. They are good at art. They are good at technology. They are good at reading books. They are good at sports. They are good at cooking. etc. etc.

And then there are those people who don’t have a “thing,” and they feel lost in a world with people who have “things.”

I have a modge-podge of interests. I like taking pictures. I like playing the piano. I like reading about William Wilberforce and World War II. I like listening to apologist podcasts and watching bands’ youtube videos. I like looking at stars. I like swing-dancing. I like baking casseroles. I like playing LEGO video games. I like putting puzzles together. I like figuring math problems. I like reading blogs from people I don’t know. I like working with PowerPoint presentations. I like playing with kids. And I really do like taking naps.  

I’m not a math whiz, a science geek, an English nerd, or a history buff. I’m not overly special at doing crafts or sports or music. I just have a lot of things that I am okay at doing.

And I am learning that being “okay” is okay.

It is okay to be different by just being average. It is okay to live unlike everyone else by being normal. It is okay to find your purpose and invest your efforts in something common.

I am learning to live my life in my own way and not by the standards I think other people have set.

Live--and enjoy it. You don’t have to pick one “thing” to do with your life. Do lots of things, not because you love them, but because you like them. Do lots of things, not because you are great at them, but because you are okay at them.

2015.

You know, the future is a funny thing. The fact that we have no idea what will happen tomorrow or the next day.We don’t know what will happen in the next minute, let alone, in the next year. For some, that may be wonderful and exciting. To others, that could cause major paranoia or fear.

For me, it is sort of a mixture of both. Scary and exciting. At this moment in time, I have nearly zero control over the people with whom I will cross paths, the places I will visit, the lessons I will learn, the laughter and tears that will be produced in this coming year.

A lot of times, as I look back over a year which has ended, I can see a theme and pattern and can pick out a “theme song,” if you will. Some years may be rough, some great, and some that in-between/transition/I-don’t-know-what’s-going-on-but-something-is kind of years.

But this year. 2015. I just know it’s going to be special(just not sure in what way.) And when I heard this classic Rich Mullins song last week, something in the lyrics and music just sank into my heart. I have listened to it over-and-over each day. I feel like this song isn’t for last year or the year before that. I think it is for this year. Come what may:

“So if I stand, let me stand on the promise

That You will pull me through.

And if I can’t, let me fall on the grace

That first brought me to You.

And if I sing, let me sing for the joy

That has born in me these songs.

And if I weep, let it be as a man

Who is longing for his home.”

No matter what happens, may I stand on the promises of God. And when I grow weary, may I still know that the Lord is good and His love and mercy is everlasting to everlasting. And because of that, may I always, always sing His praises. And in everything that I do and in everything that I encounter, may I remember that I am merely a sojourner on this earth. This is not my home.

“And if I weep, let it be as a man

Who is longing for his home.”

I was made for eternity and for eternity will I be living.

optimism

I don't know why we can't just be happy all of the time. It is so much nicer than being mean and grumpy.

my heart.

If the Titanic was made to sink
Then so was my heart
For I made sure it was impenetrable.
--Tendons, Bellarive

My life at the moment.

But every single time I ever get down, every single time, I am amazed by the Lord's faithfulness. He's just so good to me.

Praise His name--I'm fixed upon it.

Come, Thou fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above;
Praise His name--I'm fixed upon it--
Name of God's redeeming love.

Hither to Thy love has blest me;
Thou hast bro't me to this place;
And I know Thy hand will bring me
Safely home by Thy good grace.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger, 
Bought me with His precious blood.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee:
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, 
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it;
Seal it for Thy courts above.

Tonight I am thankful for the beauty and simplicity of hymns and their ability to capture my heart's prayer.

eighteen.

Tomorrow I will turn eighteen. I honestly cannot believe I am turning eighteen. It sounds insane to me. My teenage years have had such smooth transitions that I can't believe they are almost past me. When someone says, "Oh, I can't believe you are that old!" I think to myself, "I sure don't feel that old."

Heh. I find it so funny. Growing up is not what I thought it would be like. As a little girl, I remember looking up to teenage girls and being so excited about being one myself someday. They were pretty, they could drive, they went shopping with friends, and they could play the piano insanely well. I also remember thinking about college and holding it on a special pedestal. I thought I would pack-up, go away to college, and come home for the holidays. (And, of course, meet my future husband and bring him home for Christmas.)

But life is so different then fantasies. And so much better.

I finally got past the awkward teenage years when I thought myself to be ugly.(Hallelujah.) I have a driver's license, but I hate to drive. I don't have that much of a social life full of movies and shopping, but I am cool with that. I don't play the piano nearly as well as I would like, but I am learning to find the beauty of music more and more. Oh, and college. I am finishing my first semester of online classes for college, so I live at home and do school. (And on that same note, college is just schoolwork. No big deal.)

This past year has been really calm, nothing dramatic happening. It has, however, been a conglomeration of many small, special things. I have a wonderful small circle of friends with whom I get to play music and worship Jesus. I have an incredible family. Even though my siblings and I are all growing up and doing our own things, I find my relationships with them becoming stronger. We may not have cross-country vacations, but discussing Doctor Who and nerding-out about Captain America is just as fun. (Also, thanks to Pinterest, I may have actually learned a little bit about fashion this year.)

And I am so thankful for Jesus' faithfulness. It just astounds me. I am so thankful that my relationship with Him has grown so much over the years. I mean, I fail Him everyday and am not even close to where I need to be. But this past year has taught me to trust Him that I will make it there. I think that is the biggest thing I have learned this past year. I don't have to worry so much about where I am going. I just need to live right here and right now. When the time comes for me to move ahead, then Jesus will light the path before me.

So. I have no idea where God will take me in my eighteenth year or who He will bring across my path or what He will teach me. But, I am super excited about the adventure up ahead. May this year be full of Jesus and joy and hope and revelation.

Hi. My name is Brooke, and I am going to Africa.